The Rose

Over the years, I have been asked many question about my standards and the reason why I’ve chosen to do things the way I have when it comes to relationships. This is a big topic to take on all in one blog, so I decided I would do it in parts. So in the next couple blogs I post, I will do my best to answer the questions people have challenged me with......

One of the biggest questions I have been faced with has to do with my physical relationship. Some people wonder why we don’t kiss, snuggle... etc......

There are several different perspectives on this issue which I have heard from different sources. I’ve heard it said, “If it’s not yours... don’t touch it.” That’s a quick and easy way to sum it up. Ultimately, that person you are with is not yours until there is a ring on your finger. There’s no commitment till you say “I do.”

Another way I like to think about it is... if that person’s spouse was there, would you do what you are about to do with that person? Because, until you are married to them, their someone else’s. Say you’re with someone for quite some time, and you are so positive you are going to get married someday so you think it’s totally fine to snuggle and kiss... because you believe you’re never going to be with someone else. But then tragedy strikes and you break up. A few years later, your “ex” ends up marrying someone else... This means you were kissing someone else’s spouse, because they were never yours. And on top of that, you gave them something which did not belong to them. That’s something you can never get back... Ever. 

I’ve also heard the parallel of your heart being like a rose.... Every person you are with, you give them a petal. Then, at the end all you have is a thorn covered stem to give to your spouse. Once you get married, don’t you want to be able to give your spouse a beautiful rose which you have cherished and protected? Instead of a broken, mangled, trampled stem? 

And think about your future husband or wife.... think of how they will feel receiving that from you, how you would feel receiving that from them. No one wants to hear or think about all the people you were with before you met them. It would be heart breaking!! 

It ultimately boils down to selfishness when people go from one relationship to another. They are not thinking about the future effects of their actions, they are only focused on the pleasures of the moment. “What can I get from this person? What can they offer me?” And that is the mindset of today..... of this world. Rather then thinking of their future husband or wife, their future children, and how these things will have a ripple effect later in their life, they live for the moment. In Proverbs 31:12, it says, “She does him good and not evil ALL the days of her life.” Not... she does him good during their marriage.. or during their relationship, NO! It’s ALL the days of her LIFE!!...... That means in everything she does, as she is growing up, she is preparing herself for her husband. Her one and only. 

This rose the Lord has given us is full of so much more then just the physical. Each petal is a different gift. And just as a rose has layers of petals, there are also layers of your heart to protect. There is an emotional and spiritual aspect which we need to be aware of. I will be talking more about these topics in my next posts, but here is a brief definition for you.... It’s important to be so careful who you share your heart with. Just because you don’t do anything physical does not mean you are not giving them something you can’t get back. It’s so easy to share details and secrets about yourself with people you are comfortable around. Once you cross that line you begin to get emotionally attached to them. Then your heart gets engaged and that’s one way it gets broken. One way to help determine this line is, don’t allow someone of the opposite sex to be your best friend, your confidant, or your mentor.

(NOTE: I would definitely recommend Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy for the ladies... and God’s gift to Women by Eric Ludy for the guys. If you would like to read more about what I’m talking about here!!)

The Lord has gifted us all with a beautiful rose, it is something special, something to be protected and cherished. It’s meant for one person, and this world has taken it and abused it! It’s so important to not only protect your heart, but the other person’s heart as well. Don’t give something away that doesn’t belong to them and don’t take anything that doesn’t belong to you.

Also, something I haven’t really thought of until recently is this..... the Bible talks about being an example and doing things in all purity (1 Tim. 4:12). It also talks about not awakening love before it’s time (Song of Solomon 2:7). With these two verses in mind, I ask you, could you snuggle up on the couch in all purity, and not awaken love? As soon as you begin doing these things, you evoke feelings and thoughts that shouldn’t be there. As Philippians 4 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” So, can you really be doing those things and keeping your heart and mind in the right place? And keep in mind, if you are truly meant to be with that person.... you will have a lifetime to spend with them!! You don’t need to rush it. You will have plenty of time to do those things later.... when the time is right.

So bringing it all back around..... I understand that no one is perfect and we have all made mistakes. I’m not trying to bash those out there who have broken hearts and mangled roses. I’ve been there too, I understand what a broken heart feels like, but I also know what it feels like for the Lord to mend it. The beautiful thing about knowing Christ is He can restore your rose and let it grow and blossom again. It’s never to late to start over and recommit yourself to the Lord and your future husband or wife. God is forgiving and merciful and desires to restore what was lost. Just remember what the Lord has blessed you with is the most precious and sacred gift you could ever give to someone. Don’t ever let someone taint it or take it.