Emotional Purity (Continuation of ‘The Rose’)

Emotional Purity is probably the most difficult to guard against in a relationship because it can be the most subtle. And you may not even realize you’ve crossed lines till it’s too late. You don’t have to cross physical lines to later get your heart broken. Your heart can be engaged in many different ways, and emotional is one of them. I don’t think there is an exact science for this subject, I understand situations may vary and things may be different.... but heres just a few ways I’ve learned to help guard against a painful ending in relationships or friendships.  

This part of “The Rose” is rooted in the mind. Which is why it’s so important to control your thoughts. As 2 Cor. 10:5 states to take EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ! As I’ve said before, the mind is where the fight begins. If we allow something to consume our minds, and allow ourselves to dwell on it, it can eventually become actions. We can get so wrapped up in thought that it can begin effecting us outwardly. Your heart and mind is like a cup, whatever you fill it with will spill out when it gets bumped. So, what are you filling your cup with? 

Some may try to make the argument that they didn’t actually do anything, they just thought about it. But in scripture, it clearly says that even if a man looks at a women in lust, he has already committed sin with her in his heart (Matt. 5:28). Why would the Bible say something like that? How could thoughts really be that big of a deal? Because it is a heart matter. The Lord is concerned about what’s in your heart and mind. It is easy to look good on the outside, but the Lord can see what is really going on inside of you. That’s why its so essential to hold every thought captive. I’ve heard it said, you can’t stop the birds from flying over your head.... but you CAN stop them from nesting in your hair. 

From there, one may begin to make healthy boundaries for emotional purity.  The reason I stress the importance of your thought life, and the reason it is connected with emotional purity is because as soon as you let your mind stray to “Fantasy Land” about your latest “crush” you also begin getting yourself emotionally attached. I can’t really speak for the guys as much, but I know what it’s like from a ladies perspective, and it’s so easy to set up a fantasy scenario with a guy, build up all these hopes and dreams with him, then they get crushed as soon as you find out he likes someone else. And he never even realizes how you felt because it’s all in your head. You build up emotional attachments with those “Crush-daydreams” which just sets you up to be crushed.

“Sweet-talkers” is another way we can get pulled in emotionally. Ladies, we are very emotionally driven, it doesn’t take much to get one to fall as soon as a guy starts saying how beautiful you are and how much he ‘loves’ you. For one thing, that is not real love (I’ll talk more about that in my next blog), and secondly... lets be honest- it’s an ego trip. A lot of girls are very self conscience about how they look or how they are... and they think they could never get a guy because, Common! Why would he pick me when that other girl is SOOOO much prettier?! It’s a confidence issue. And in the wise words of my good friend.... “You just need to get over yourself.” =] 

The truth is, girls fall so hard and fast over “sweet-talkers” because they are flattered, and they can’t believe this super cute guy would actually be paying attention to them. 

Let me just say to every girl out there reading this, your identity is NOT found in your crush, boyfriend, or even your husband someday. It is found in CHRIST and CHRIST alone!!! Find your confidence in HIM, not in what this world says you should act like or look like. You will NEVER be “good enough” if you abide by the rules of this world. It’s only through Christ you will find your true beauty and confidence. Don’t allow some guy to define you. It’s shallow and it won’t last. Allow the Lord to shape you and mold you into who HE created you to be, and you are always beautiful in HIS EYES. And that’s all that truly matters. It may not seem like that right now, but the closer you grow to the Lord, the more the cares of this world will fade away. 

Lastly, these things don’t just apply to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Even a friendship between two people of the opposite sex can lead to crossing emotional boundaries. Another way to guard against straying is don’t allow someone of the opposite sex to be your best friend, or confidant. It’s very hard to remain “just friends” in a situation like this. And you will be crossing those subtle, but later very painful, emotional boundaries. Bringing him into your ‘close friends’ circle you will be getting emotionally attached. You may say... “Oh, we’re just friends!! Nothing more!” Then I say to you, treat him like so. Don’t share your deep dark secrets, or your hopes and dreams. In doing so, you may not even realize it, but you are giving him a piece of your heart which does not belong to him. He doesn’t need to know everything about you. If you marry him someday, he will have a lifetime to learn every small detail about your heart. Till then, it’s not his to learn.

So bringing it all back around, how can we guard against crossing the emotional lines? How do we know if we have crossed a line? 

To sum it up in 3 practical steps:

Number One- Your mind!!... Don’t Fantasies. Don’t allow your thoughts to dwell on things it shouldn’t be. 

Number two- Guard against “Sweet-talkers.” Don’t fall for it ladies, you’re better then that!  

Number three- Don’t share your deep dark secrets, or your hopes and dreams with someone who is not your husband. If you wouldn’t say it in front of a group of your friends, you shouldn’t be saying it to him... alone, in secret. 

Ultimately, it leads back to the same point I’ve made before. The Lord intended certain things to be shared between one women, and one man in the boundaries of marriage. And by jumping around from one relationship to another, or sharing your heart with others, your giving away petals of your  rose (see previous blog) that should only belong to one man. Some may be thinking, “I’m not ready for marriage yet!! No way!” Then I ask you, why date? Unless your intentions are for marriage, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. It’s just setting you up for a broken heart. And it will make you hard, and jaded. Isn’t it so much more worth it to wait rather then throw your heart around like it’s nothing?? Just remember, the Lord has so much more for you, and you deserve it.