When I Grow Up!

Peter Pan..... One of my favorite Disney movies as a child! What an ideal world he had created for children all over the world. Never have to grow up! What bliss, never having any responsibility, never having a job, never having  anywhere to rush too, never having to deal with the difficulties of mature decision, and never faced with that inevitable question... “What do you wanna be when you grow up?”

.......My kind of “Neverland!”

Alright, now that we’re done fantasizing.... welcome back to the real world, where we’re rudely awakened by the unchangeable truth of reality. What happened? I was just 13 a few days ago.... and 7 a few moments before that! I blink and I’m graduating High School and being bombarded with hundreds of different colleges and having to make a discussion on what I want to be. I blink again and I’m two semesters into college. Still the same questions being thrown my way.... just wrapped up and presented a little bit differently... “What are your plans after graduation?”.... “How are you going to use what you’ve been studying?”

 Okay Peter Pan.... if you’re out there, now would be an awesome time to take me away to Neverland for a little vacation......

The truth is.... I’m half way through Bible college and I have no idea what I want to be when I “grow up.”

 It appears this fast pace, successful-minded, follow-your-dreams, society we now live in is not particularly satisfied with this answer. It’s important to know what you want to do, who you want to be, what you want to pursue, and be successful in it! And for a while, I was the same way. I felt pressure to have all the answers. I mean, this is my life, I should know what I want to do with it, right?..... But what if I don’t?

Over this summer, I have been asked more times then I can count, “What are you going to do after you graduate?” My answer was always the same.... I stutter around my words a bit till I come up with a delicate way to say, “I have no idea!!” And you know what? I’ve learned to be okay with that. I don’t have to know every step. I don’t have to have my life planned out. And I don’t have to know the future. All the plans I once made for myself have been completely changed. The direction I had picked for my life was totally turned around. And I realized, it was because I was making the plans instead of allowing the Lord to lead me where He wants me to go. He obviously has a very different plan for my life that I never saw coming! So, I’m learning not to make plans, but instead take it one step at a time and allow the Lord to lead me through the doors He wants me to go through. It sounds like such a cliche “Christianese” answer, I know. And yet, it’s the only answer I’ve been given. I can’t see five steps ahead of me. All I know is the step directly in front of me God is asking me to take in this moment.... and when the time is right, He will reveal the next step. 

I’ve often wondered why the Lord has put me in this place that He has. Why have I been praying and praying and the only answers I’ve received are “Be patient and trust me?” Why haven’t I been given more clarity in the situations the Lord has lead me through? Why don’t I have plans for after graduation? Why don't I know what I want to be?.....And then I thought, what is trust?.... Trust is closing your eyes, turning your back and falling, believing someone will catch you. Trust is being blinded but still knowing you will be taken care of. So when the Lord asks me to trust Him with my life, why do I need to ask Him for all the answers in return? How sincere would the trust be if I knew everything He was going to do? 

I don’t have to know every step... because He does! I don’t have to have my life planned out... because He does! And I don’t have to know the future... because HE DOES!!

 So... what do I want to be when I grow up? The real question is.... what does God want me to be when I grow up?