Beauty From Ashes

That night... that dreadful night when I witnessed everything fall apart. When everything came crashing down on me with no hesitation. That night when every inch of my body trembled as I wept bitterly. That night when I watched as hearts crumbled as mine shattered and there was nothing I could do about it. That night I wished I could just wake up and convince myself it was all just a terrible dream....  but instead the painful reality persistently washed in with a flood of emotion and broke down any hope of this being a nightmare.  

.....That moment where words are meaningless and comfort has run dry.... where my heart raced as fast as the thoughts threw my mind in a failed attempt to processes the situation. That moment when my knees hit the ground... tears drenched my cheeks.... my throat tightened as I grasped for words....... 

That night...... that night when my life changed forever....... 

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

Romans 8:28

How do you get through those painful nights? How can you honestly believe those moments could actually work out for good? Why do these things happen? 

It’s so easy to allow your mind to be clouded with a flood of doubts and emotion which block any logical or rational thinking. It’s easy to let anger and bitterness settle in and clear your heart of all hope and forgiveness. And during those lonely tear-filled nights, it’s easy to assume God has just forgotten about you..... 

But why do we always praise the Lord when things are going amazing, yet we are so quick to think He has turned away from us in out lowest times. If it’s obvious God is with us through the joyful and happiest memories in our life, why do we neglect to see Him during the darkest? 

In hindsight, I can clearly see the Lord’s hand leading me through every step, and every moment of the hardest trials of my life. I remember waking up in the morning and procrastinating till the last minute to pull myself from my warm bed, and praying “Lord, give me the strength to get through today.... just today.” For months, I prayed this prayer every morning. The only reason I had to start my day was Him.... was because of His strength pulling me through the day. I remember vividly how He was faithful to hear and answer my prayers daily. He would willingly give me just enough energy to face that day, and the next morning, I would cry out to Him in need once again. 

Yes, it was some of the hardest times of my life, yet, it was also the most fruitful! I believe God brings us to these low points, and strips us of all our support so all we have is HIM to lean on. 

“Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean NOT on your OWN understanding.....” (Prov. 3:5) A very common verse, I’m sure we have all heard several times.... but it takes on a whole new meaning when you are actually forced to live it. How truly beautiful it is when the Lord takes everything away so all you have is Him! Isn’t He all you need anyway? Or are those just words we like to say in church every Sunday................

“What would you do if you could go back?” I’ve been asked so many times. “Nothing,” I say, “If I could go back,  I wouldn’t change a thing.” 

I wouldn’t take back that night, I wouldn’t take back what was said, I wouldn’t take back the choices I made..... I wouldn’t take back those countless nights I cried myself to sleep asking the Lord why this was happening. Why? Because through it all, I feel like I gained more then I lost. I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if it weren’t for those trials, those hard nights, those words spoken, those broken hearts and through it all..... the life restored and the victories won! 

Throughout this semester, my 3rd semester, I have been gifted with the great honor and privilege of seeing all the many ways the Lord has not only answered my prayers, but restored my heart in ways I never thought was possible. I am now getting to witness the fruit of everything He brought me though over these past several months, and it’s beautiful! He has blessed me in ways I know I don’t deserve, and has opened my eyes and beckoned me closer to His loving arms. And I wouldn’t give that up for the world! I can honestly say, I am thankful for the painful and difficult times and I would go through it all over again knowing that in the end, the Lord would turn the ashes into something beautiful. Romans 8:28 has taken on a whole new meaning in my life as I have been watching it’s truth unfold in my life today! God’s word is true, and His promises are unchangeable. And I can assure you, no matter what you are going through in your life, if you love the Lord and are serving Him, He can and will turn the ashes, into beauty!