Heart of Worship

A few Sunday nights ago, we had a Chapel service. We gathered together for a time of worship and prayer, then sat and listened as our teacher gave a lesson. We ended with extended worship and communion. During this time, I found a place to stand away from all the other worshipers. And as I stood there, I watched all the other students as some stood to their feet and raised their hands, others bowed their heads and whispered prayers, and some where on their faces weeping before the Lord. I sat there... in worship once again... and fought the familiar feeling of numbness. It’s something I have been struggling with for a while now. Just because I’ve literally grown up in church my entire life, I’ve been a Pastor’s kid now for about.... I don’t know... 6 years maybe? My dad has been leading worship in one way or another since I can remember. Needless to say, I’ve heard it and lived it all my life!! And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve struggled with making it new, and getting something out of it. 

So I sat there, watching all these hearts breaking before the Lord in a beautiful way, and I wondered why I don’t feel like that. Why am I not more passionate? Why do I not cry? I began praying and asking God what I was doing wrong.... what was I missing? I felt like I was doing everything I could, but still didn’t feel anything. After a while of praying and asking God to speak to me, I sat there in silence and just tried to listen. All I could hear was the bass guitar thumping, the drums crashing, the worship leader strumming loud on his guitar singing, and the girls harmonizing. Then this passage hit me, “Then He (meaning Jesus) said, 'Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.' And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.” -1Kings 19:11-12

I realized, I was getting frustrated because I wasn’t hearing God, but yet... I was there with all this loud music, singing, bright lights, people walking around.... all these distractions. I believe God showed me this from bringing that scripture to mind..... worship is more for us, to WORSHIP HIM!! It’s for us to get our hearts into the right place; to surrender everything before Him, thank Him, and praise Him for everything He is doing in us and through us. 

Now, I’m definitely NOT saying that God CAN’T speak through worship..... because obviously He did. I’m just saying, I believe God showed me in my own personal life what worship is for. It’s from ME to HIM. Whereas, my personal devotional time........ time spent in silence and meditation... is from HIM to ME. That’s the time God can really speak with us and deal with us. I have to get away from all the loud, distracting noise so I can hear HIM clearly. 

--Random note: Interesting that this is the second post I’ve written about God’s “still small voice”...... Definitely catching the hint.--

I also realized something I need to work on in my life. I noticed, it's so easy to forget the things God has done in my life when I'm having a dry moment. Like when I was standing there in worship... all I could focus on was how everyone else around me seemed so engaged while I felt so disengaged. But I failed to remember all the amazing things God has been doing in my life since I’ve been here..... things I can worship and thank Him for!

Sometimes, I'm walking around campus and all I can think about is home..... and I can't find anyone to talk to.... I feel so alone. In hind sight I realize how pathetic I am. I'm constantly asking God, "Why am I here? What am I doing? Why do I feel so alone? Why do You feel so far away?" But yet, all I need to do is open my eyes and remember what the Lord has been doing in my life. My flesh so quickly jumps on the opportunity to consume my mind with lies in those moments I feel down and makes it hard to remember how amazing God is to me!! The mind is where the fight begins. So, I started grabbing a handful of rocks and for each one I had in my hand I would say something I am thankful for. I know most everyone has heard the saying "Count your blessings" but in all seriousness.... It really does help to bring your mind back in focus of where it should be. As Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."

It's so easy to be blinded and distracted when things look so rough around us. But it's in those moments that we are tested. God allows situations in our lives to show our true colors and to bring out perspective. So my question is, what kind of colors are you showing in the tough moments?

It's so important to keep your mind on track and focused on the right things; the Lord and all the wonderful things He is doing in your life! Keep a journal of it, then you can easily look back and see the way the Lord has been speaking to you in those moment you feel alone or everything seems so difficult. It puts it in perspective for you when you step back and look at the whole picture. I say all this as someone who is still trying to figure it out, not as someone who is immune. The Lord has been dealing with me so much lately about my mind and keeping it focused on where it should be. 

So, I encourage you, next time you feel like the world is against you...... bring yourself back to reality by thanking the Lord for what He’s done in you. Make notes of they way you have seen God in your life and post it around your room, bathroom, car, ect.....

There’s always... ALWAYS something to Praise the LORD about..... in EVERY situation...... It’s all about your heart and perspective.