Pen And Paper

That night... that dreadful night when I witnessed everything fall apart. When everything came crashing down on me with no hesitation. That night when every inch of my body trembled as I wept bitterly. That night when I watched as hearts crumbled as mine shattered and there was nothing I could do about it. That night I wished I could just wake up and convince myself it was all just a terrible dream....  but instead the painful reality persistently washed in with a flood of emotion and broke down any hope of this being a nightmare.   .....That moment where words are meaningless and comfort has run dry.... where my heart raced as fast as the thoughts threw my mind in a failed attempt to processes the situation. That moment when my knees hit the ground... tears drenched my cheeks.... my throat tightened as I grasped for words.......  That night...... that night when my life changed forever.......  “ And we know that all things work together for good to those ...

I held my dear friends for a couple moments longer in an effort to extend the seconds quickly passing us by..... to postpone the inevitable. I fought the tears building  up in my eyes as we said our goodbyes. We locked gazes and tried to smile as I assured them both that our paths will one day cross again.... though the words were sincere, I also struggled to grasp this truth. We embraced one last time and whispered our sincerities. I pushed a tear off my cheek as I watched them get into the car and close the doors. We waved to each other as they drove down the street leaving me standing lonely on the sidewalk. I felt a piece of my heart leave with them. I forced my feet to take me back into my house as I regained control over my emotions. There had been enough tears shed this week..... especially the night before.  My eyes had run dry ....  I meandered through the doorway and glanced around at the empty house. Every last box had been sealed and taken away. Nothin...

Peter Pan..... One of my favorite Disney movies as a child! What an ideal world he had created for children all over the world. Never have to grow up! What bliss, never having any responsibility, never having a job, never having  anywhere to rush too, never having to deal with the difficulties of mature decision, and never faced with that inevitable question... “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” .......My kind of  “Neverland!” Alright, now that we’re done fantasizing.... welcome back to the real world, where we’re rudely awakened by the unchangeable truth of reality. What happened? I was just 13 a few days ago.... and 7 a few moments before that! I blink and I’m graduating High School and being bombarded with hundreds of different colleges and having to make a discussion on what I want to be. I blink again and I’m two semesters into college. Still the same questions being thrown my way.... just wrapped up and presented a little bit differently... “What are your plan...

I know it’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything. I guess you could say I hit “writers block” for a while. But here is a blog I started months ago and never finished it till now.... Hopefully I will be able to keep up better with my blogs again! Enjoy!  A missionary came to my school a couple months ago to share about the intense ministry he is involved in. I remember sitting there fighting back the tears as he expounded on the horrors Christians in Sudan face daily. The men fight, not only to protect themselves, but first and foremost to defend the women and children in their villages. Their enemy is beyond brutal and evil. The missionary shared a few of the gruesome stories with us.... truly hellish situations I don’t even want to repeat. I could not imagine living through what these men face as their normal reality. Their beloved women and children are kidnapped, raped, inhumanely, and brutally murdered right before their eyes.  And why? Why are these cru...

Just a random poem I wrote my first semester at the Bible College. I found it again and thought I would share with you all......  so here it is......  ~Nothing Without You~ Oh Lord... where do I start? What am I supposed to do? Here I am again... falling apart.  No matter how hard I try- I fail In every way- I fail My mind is so scattered- I can’t even think, No matter how hard I try I just sink...  I’m so sorry... I don’t listen to you, then get into a mess And turn right back- crying and stressed.  But I never hear you say, “I told you so.” But instead, “Come to Me, child. I love you so.” Lord, Put my mind at ease,  I’m down on my knees I’m just so frustrated- is this what I get for being kind?  Taken advantage of... and left behind?  But why do I care? Why does it hurt?  It’s not like I didn’t know... not like I couldn’t see,  I have no one to blame but me.  I try so hard to ...

If God is such a loving God, why would He put me through such hard trials?..... Is this really God’s doing?...... Is He even there? Did I hear wrong?........ Is He even listening? .......Where is God when I really need Him?........  Endless questions and doubts fill my head..... Why does everything around me seem to be changing and falling apart? Why has God led me here?.... Where are you God?...... “I’m right here.” He calmly whispers in my ear. “I’m carrying you through this... I haven’t forgotten about you... don’t forget about Me.”  It’s so easy to remain happy and joyful when everything is going the way you want it too. It’s easy to thank the Lord when life is awesome. But what do you do when the skies turn dark and it starts raining? It’s our natural response to get angry and bitter at the Lord when situations turn sour and the sunshine hides behind the clouds. Just because it seems inconvenient for you, doesn’t mean it wasn’t put there for a reason. ...

Tagging on to my previous blogs, I would like to pose the question which the title has already made obvious.....What is love? Is it that feeling of your heart leaping in your chest when that “special someone” walks in the room? Those butterflies flying around your head, clouding your thoughts and tying your tongue in knots? Is love that twinkling in your eye when you’re gazing into his or hers?  Unfortunately, this world has yet again tainted something which the Lord intended to be very different. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 sums it up very well... “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” Looking through this list, it doesn’t say anything about butterflies or twinkling eyes. Instead it speaks o...

Emotional Purity is probably the most difficult to guard against in a relationship because it can be the most subtle. And you may not even realize you’ve crossed lines till it’s too late. You don’t have to cross physical lines to later get your heart broken. Your heart can be engaged in many different ways, and emotional is one of them. I don’t think there is an exact science for this subject, I understand situations may vary and things may be different.... but heres just a few ways I’ve learned to help guard against a painful ending in relationships or friendships.   This part of “The Rose” is rooted in the mind. Which is why it’s so important to control your thoughts. As 2 Cor. 10:5 states to take EVERY thought captive to the obedience of Christ! As I’ve said before, the mind is where the fight begins. If we allow something to consume our minds, and allow ourselves to dwell on it, it can eventually become actions. We can get so wrapped up in thought that it can begin effect...